For Wisdom

A 3-year-old girl with bouncing blonde pigtails sat on her mother's lap, planning her future. "I want to be a reporter when I grow up," she confidently said. "Because I want to know everything, and also everyone's business!"

True story. And now we know that Talmage might look like his dad, but is a know-it-all just like me ;)

As far as that latter desire is concerned, I have a hunch that the little girl in question was less about gossip (although she probably enjoys some People Magazine every now and then) and more about deeply understanding people and things and experiences. She wanted to love people, including herself, and see them through brilliantly clear blue eyes. She still does.

And her quest, eh hem, my quest to conquer the world's knowledge is no longer so grandeur. I don't want to know everything, and I don't profess to be a master of anything. But lately, I have found myself yearning for wisdom. Wisdom to see, to understand and to act. It's not enough for me to just know something, I want to be wise.

This pathway to wisdom has come as a deviation of my course. I set a goal this year to read one book each month, a disgracefully lofty goal considering my average reading list in the past few years (Goodnight Moon, anyone?) And what I imagined would be an entertaining and enriching activity after my boys were in bed has turned into a thirst for learning that I had forgotten I possessed. I have found myself guzzling books by the week instead of the month, and desiring for more, more, more.

I'm reading books of all shades (except gray, that is) and have found peace, enlightenment and great joy in books of science, psychology, religion and drama. I've read parenting books, philosophy books, historical books and more. I want to read crime novels and someone's memoir. My hold-list at the library is getting longer by the day, and I wait anxiously to receive an email telling me my newest gem is ready to be checked out. I'm stepping outside of my comfort zone, while all the while feeling more comfortable about what my zone entails. I feel committed and devoted and full of love. These books full of words are my wisdom. And I'm beginning to feel wise. Er, wiser!

There are some nights, while feasting upon a new book, that I find my heart pounding, my mind soaring and my eyes wet with wonder; and I recognize those feelings, they come everytime my Heavenly Father wants me to know how much He loves me. And while I feel His love in many-a-place, I have been surprised to find Him hidden in my pages, allowing me to feel Him by allowing me to be me. He is encouraging my search for wisdom, and leading my enlightenment. And I am grateful for a God that knows and loves me.

So it's no wonder that Neil Anderson said, "Reverance for God is the beginning of wisdom." And maybe I would add, the end also. For as I read and learn and become more wise I am noticing a consistent trend--He is there.