It happened today when I was eating last nights leftovers (which was especially tragic because last night was leftover night). My bowl was filled with spaghetti and macaroni noodles, a little red sauce, a little cheese warmed ever so slightly in the microwave, and as I sat down to eat it a smile crossed my face. "Look at what I'm eating," I thought. "I'm incredible!" Yep, that's all it took. Some hodge-podge in a bowl made me feel like a warrior.
The other day I loaded up my stroller for the walk home after grocery shopping. Talmage was designing a sleeve of flower stickers on his arm (bless, bless Trader Joe's and the millions of stickers they've given my children) and Everett was crying for me to hold him. That Ever, other than his giant stature you would have no idea that he is two years old. That baby of mine just loves to be babied. So, I'm walking down Broadway carrying a too-huge Everett, pushing a double stroller overflowing with food and begging Talmage to not get run over (because those NY cabbies, oh those cabbies) and all the sudden it happened, yep, for that small moment I was just about the coolest mom in the world. Randomly awesome, that's what it was.
And then there was that thunderstorm. Cue Everett's uncontrollable screams here. So we laid on the couch together in almost the middle of the night, his thumb in his mouth muffling his tender sobs. We were soaking with sweat (die humidity, die) and looking a-wreck, but oh that moment. And T's photo-bombs which produced the biggest most beautiful belly laughs I have ever heard out of his little frame, yum.
So...this is what I've decided.
#1. I'm kind of disgusting. Spaghetti and mac n cheese in one bowl? Really? And to admit it was actually pretty good.
But more importantly:
#2. Cooking healthy and having a clean house and flawless bedtime routines and all of that normal stuff that moms are supposed to do is good, it's commendable really. And I pat myself on the back for the lot of it. But it's the real life, in the trenches, ugly but beautiful moments where my heart starts racing and I really feel like the supermom they think I always am. And I'm making a conscience effort to hold on to those moments and run (because heaven knows that sometimes I think I'm ruining them for life!)
On the last blistering day of summer in New York** (94 degrees, mad humidity, so much sweat I can't even tell you) we went to Washington Square Park and ran in the fountains with friends. When we left Talmage said to me, "Mom, you are the best person in the world at thinking of fun things for us to do every.single.day!" I'm pretty sure I saw a hot pink cape blowing in the wind behind me and smiled. Life is good!
**says the weatherwoman, two weeks until it's officially fall but like it or not, the weather is changing in these parts. and i'm usually on the "don't like" team, but boy that humidity...
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